Farewell to Zeus

This past Saturday, August 8, 2020, we had to have our beloved Zeus, the namesake of this website, put down. Zeus had essentially stopped eating and drinking. He lost 15 pounds and was shrinking before our very eyes as his energy dwindled and his ability to do the things he loved like chase the ball and go for walks disappeared. Zeus’s whole day had become transitioning from lying at the bottom of the stairs to lying at the entrance to our kitchen. Sure there were flashes of his former self, like when he would break out into a smile or come over for some butt scritches, but it was clear something was taking a severe physical toll on Zeus.

Over the last couple weeks, Cali and I had the vet run all kinds of tests on Zeus to try to figure out what was wrong. Multiple blood tests, x-rays, and an ultrasound revealed that Zeus had fluid in his belly, signs of internal bleeding, and probably had something more serious happening internally. In order to get a more definitive answer, bone marrow, liver, and spleen biopsies were required. It was an incredibly difficult decision, but Cali and I didn’t want to put our boy through all of those procedures, only to confirm that there was something more serious going on and harsh treatment like chemo would be necessary just to keep Zeus alive with a greatly reduced quality of life.

As always I try to keep things in perspective, and I don’t mean to be overly dramatic with this post. I know there are people out there who go through severe hardships, so I don’t want this to sound like I’m having a pity party for myself. Some people have to watch family members die of horrible diseases right before their eyes. Others have loved ones get murdered, killed at war, or die in car accidents and other senseless ways. It speaks to the fact that I have had a very easy and relatively carefree life, but I can honestly say that making the decision and following through with having Zeus put down was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Zeus was my best friend and constant companion. He showed me unconditional love every day of my his life. Cali and I have been married for 10 years, and Zeus was almost nine. Our marriage was barely just beginning when we got him as a six year old puppy. How could I decide to not have him around anymore? Zeus was our first dog, so we had never been through the process or had to make a decision like that before. It was heartbreaking.

After Zeus was gone, being in the house was brutal. It seemed so quiet, empty, and cold. Cali and I would both randomly break down and sob while performing everyday tasks. You see, Zeus was my little shadow, and it feels incredibly strange doing things like taking out the trash or going out on the back deck to fire up the grill without hearing his little paws tick-tacking behind me on the floor. So much of my day revolved around taking him out back, going for walks, getting his food, getting him up to bed, and any other task one does for a pet. I feel lost, like part of my soul is missing.

Fortunately, Cali and I have made some amazing friends and coworkers here in Pennsylvania, and we had amazing support and love from them this past week. Our friends Eric and Katlyn came over Friday night with their dog Dorian. As always, they had plenty of treats and loving to share with Zeus on his last night.

On Saturday night, I went over to our neighbor’s house to have some drinks and socialize on their back deck. It was a very peaceful night with Chase and Christine, and playing with their dog, Kasey, really warmed my heart and helped my attitude about the situation. Immediately after Zeus passed, I was convinced that I would never be able to get another dog again. No dog could ever compare to Zeus, and it almost felt like I would be cheating on him if I shared my love with another dog. Kasey quickly made me realize this was not the case at all. I was throwing the ball for her and giving her pets, and her sheer joy and happiness made me realize everything was going to be okay. Kasey was just so into the moment and content with what was happening right in front of her that it made me forget about my crappy morning for a while. It was very surprising and awesome at the same time. A few days later, Christine brought over a very sweet card and Christmas tree ornament. The touching gesture brought Cali and I to tears.

On Sunday morning, I met two friends for an early morning bike ride. My buddy Peter and his girlfriend Liz, both coworkers of mine, got Cali a nice blanket and me a bottle of Knob Creek, one of my all-time favorite bourbons. This sweet gesture really meant a lot to us, and it made me think about how Cali and I have built a life and established a good network of people in this area.

Eric and Katlyn came over again on Sunday and treated Cali and me to hoagies from Primo’s. They also brought a very nice card and a framed collage of pictures of us with Zeus and Dorian from this past Friday night. It was so touching that it made Cali and I break out in tears, but it’s something we will no doubt keep and cherish forever. Getting to see Dorian and give her some loving also lifted my spirit and put a smile on my face.

On Thursday morning, our neighbors Catherine and Nick dropped off a touching and heartfelt card and heart-shaped dish that brought tears to the eyes of Cali and me. They had a dog pass away last year, and, at the time, I don’t think I really understood how tough it could be to go through something like that. Catherine told me about their dog’s passing when I was working out outside early one morning shortly after it happened, and it took me a moment to register what she had said. I followed up with her later that week, apologizing if I came across as dismissive or uncaring at the time. She was very sweet about it, but I definitely wish I would have done more to extend support for their family during that time.

Cali and I also both had very nice support and messages from other friends, neighbors, and coworkers. Even the vet made the euthanasia as delicate and gentle as possible on Saturday morning. Cali actually just left the house to bring them a card and some donuts as a token of our appreciation. All those little things really made getting through this past weekend easier and we are very appreciative. Often, when I know others are going through a tough time, I am reluctant to say or do anything. I always think that I don’t want to be another reminder about the situation or that I don’t know exactly what to say, so maybe it’s best to just not say anything. This experience has been a good reminder that little gestures and words of understanding can mean a lot to someone who is struggling, and I don’t need to be so hesitant about expressing condolences or reaching out to others in the future.

This card from my best buddy Igor really meant a lot to Cali and me.

I always wanted a dog when I was a kid, but my parents never let me get one. It turns out that I had to wait until I was almost 28 to finally get a dog, but when I did, I somehow managed to get the very best one. Zeus was never anything but a sweet and gentle soul, and he never expressed any bit of aggressiveness or meanness towards another living creature. He was attacked by other dogs in our neighborhood, and even though he was physically imposing, he never retaliated or bit back, although there were a few times where I wish he would have stood up for himself. Sometimes we would walk by other dogs and they would be barking and going crazy like they wanted to get at him, but he would just smile and keep trotting on by like he didn’t have a care in the world. When Zeus was first interacting with a new dog, he would go down onto his belly to try to get low in an effort to show that he wasn’t going to be mean or hurt the other dog. Our neighborhood has tons of kids, and, often times, a few would ask if they could pet Zeus when we were out walking. Zeus was not the biggest fan of pets, but he would oblige the kids, even hunkering down for smaller children so they could pet him without being scared. It was really incredible to watch how he instinctually knew when to be extra gentle and soft around these small children. Zeus loved sitting out back of our house on the leash and looking out into the neighborhood. Occasionally, I would look out and see that some of the neighborhood kids had been cutting through the backyard and stopped to pet Zeus. We never had to worry about him biting or hurting anyone, even if they were cutting through his turf. Zeus had earned our trust.

Cali and I regularly took Zeus out without any kind of leash or restraint, and not once did he take off on us or run away. It wasn’t even something that ever occurred to us a possibility. Zeus was always so worried about our whereabouts, particularly Cali’s, that we knew he wouldn’t let us out of his sight.

My sister Kristin’s father-in-law, Tim Rice, painted this picture of Zeus. When I unwrapped the package, I immediately broke down into tears. It perfectly captures Zeus’s sweet eyes, gentle smile, and love for playing with his frisbee.

I miss Zeus dearly and will for the rest of my life. I know that time will heal and life will carry on. I’ll have other dogs who will be special in their own way, but the memories of Zeus and the good times we had will remain. I have a million pictures of Zeus, but the one below sums him up pretty well. Outside, off the leash, wild, free, smiling, panting with satisfaction, and waiting until the time is right to chase his ball Orangey again.

Best. Dog. Ever.