Living in the Now
A couple months ago, during a casual lunch conversation, my buddy Tom recommended I read, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
“That book can change your life,” Tom said.
Hell, that sounded pretty good to me. For the past eighteen months, I felt like I was sprinting on a treadmill and getting nowhere. Tom had seen this firsthand as we worked together pretty much every day. So much of my life had become an obstacle that I just needed to get through or around until I could move onto the next thing. Like, maybe if I just punched the clock enough times one day I could retire and, finally, be happy. Many sleepless nights were spent tossing and turning, beating myself up about a mistake I had recently made, fuming about perceived sleights and undeserved credit for hard work, and fretting about what I had to get done the next day, month, week, and year. On vacation last August, I sat on the Jersey shore beach with a tightness in my chest, subconsciously picking my fingernails as I dreaded everything that awaited me when I got back to work. No matter what I tried, I just could not get out of my own head. Every aspect of my life, including marriage, friends, work, and recreation, was unfulfilling. The running voice never took a break and let me just be. I could not get out of the spiral.
These books may not be for everybody, but for me personally, The Power of Now and the follow-up book, A New Earth, have completely changed my mindset and, consequently, entire life. There were so many times where I found myself underlining passages, because it felt like Tolle was talking directly to and/or about me in his writing. Tolle’s discussion of presence and consciousness were eye-opening, as I realized that I had been stumbling through life unconscious and driven by my egoic mind. I was completely identified and defined by my past and my current job, and my only focus all day long was on the next thing, on the future. I have been a high-level worrier for as far back as I can remember. Growing up in the church, I was taught to pray and read certain Bible verses to help calm my nerves, but to be honest, I never really got much relief from these practices. For years, I even carried a little cross in my pocket, almost like a tangible idol that I could touch and think about in an effort to calm my nerves (I also tried to drunkenly give this cross to a girl once at my buddy Hammer’s college apartment, but that’s a story for another time). Nothing seemed to help as the words on the page didn’t really seem to resonate or connect to my own tiny corner of this world.
Eckhart Tolle’s books gave me some actual strategies and ideas that allowed me to shift my mindset and focus to view life and the world through a totally different lens. My job has been pretty rocky and uncertain lately, and there is a very real chance that the rest of my career is not going to go how I always envisioned. If this had happened six months ago, it would have been a mental and physical disaster for me. Just the other night, Cali mentioned that living with me would have been rough if all this had gone down before I read these books and began living in the now. Rather than feeling down and worrying about the future, I am excited for new opportunities and possibilities ahead. If you’re feeling caught in a spiral, perhaps these books can help you too.