A New Challenge
At the end of January 2021, a few months shy of my 37th birthday, I went to my first ever Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) class. Walking into the gym at 0515 on a Wednesday morning, I was super nervous and had no idea what to expect. Sure, I had done some research on my own and talked to a couple BJJ practitioners beforehand, but there is still that initial anxiety about being the new guy, fitting in, and obviously being the least skilled/knowledgeable person in the room. Since I have no martial arts or even wrestling background, this was a brand new activity for me, a daunting endeavor that would undoubtedly challenge me both physically and mentally.
When I was in high school, I always wanted to give wrestling a shot. The sport just looked very physical and raw, and part of me was in awe of the guys who wrestled in my school. I think part of me just wanted to know if I could survive with that crew. But alas, wrestling was not in the cards for me. Being 6’6” at a small school where an athletic body couldn’t be wasted on the mere whims of a kid, my destiny was to play basketball during the long months of an Upper Peninsula winter. Most of the wrestlers at my school were obvious physical beasts, and some (most) you might say had a couple screws loose. Since basketball and wrestling were both winter sports that practiced right after school, we all shared a locker room. No one had to tell me to keep my mouth shut around the wrestlers or the wrestling coach Mr. Madigan. After surviving a typical brutal practice, the wrestlers didn’t seem to be in a joking around, jocular, ball-busting kind of mood. They looked like they had gotten run over by a bus after a two-hour long barroom brawl. If one of the wrestlers decided to maul one of us basketball players, there wouldn’t have been much we could do about it. Sure, we could tell Mr. Madigan after the fact, but he’d probably laugh and put you in a headlock of his own. The wrestlers all walked the halls of the high school with that swagger that comes from knowing that they could kick the ass of anyone dumb enough to step up and challenge them. A group of them wore t-shirts that read:
“Basketball: A game played by boys and girls.
Wrestling: A war between two men.”
Imagine some dude walking into school with that shirt in 2021. He’d probably be expelled and charged with a hate crime. Back then, around 2000, those guys were tough and they knew it and they didn’t give one shit about someone’s feelings or safe space.
My first day of BJJ was a lot of fun even though my lack of skills and experience were painfully obvious. At one point I had a guy on top of me pulling on my arm and smashing my head into the mat as I struggled with all my might to get up and out of the hold (I was unsuccessful). Reflecting on this new experience after class, I couldn’t help but thinking how much I enjoyed and appreciated the struggle. In that moment, my brain was not distracted by all the BS of everyday life. I wasn’t worried about making spreadsheets or my next work travel trip or taking my truck in for maintenance. All I could think about was surviving. Nothing more. Nothing less. There is something beautiful in that. For many, this world and this life have gotten way too easy. There are no real hardships and the aim of everything in our daily lives is to make things gentler, softer, and more comfortable. I know plenty of folks do still have legitimate struggles, but many of us do not.
It’s so important to find activities that will test, challenge, and make us face the reality that maybe we aren’t the best at everything. It’s okay to not know how to do something, and things like jiu jitsu and other competitive activities can bring a person face-to-face with their shortcomings. As I’ve gotten older, I have realized that I did not lose enough as a kid. There were some harsh realities of competition in the world that just did not occur to me in my little youthful bubble. It took me a while to learn this fact, and even longer to face it in a way where I was risking getting beat. There is value, honor, and lessons to be learned in facing a challenge head on, even, or maybe especially, if there is a good chance you will lose. That opponent, person, challenge, task, whatever, might just be better than you. Face it. Own it. Enjoy it. Get better.